Dear Aunty: How Do I Stop Buying Love and Finally Know My Own Self Worth?

Dear Aunty

I have always struggled with loneliness. I have attached myself to people in my life who carry insecurities, jealousy, envy, and negativity. I have always allowed myself to connect to these people because I have a fear of being alone. Every relationship I have had has always been inconsistent. I have always felt like I showed up for them more than they showed up for me. I have always felt like I needed to pay my way into their hearts, pay my way into their love, and I have never felt truly loved and appreciated in return. How do I build true love, real friendship, and a newfound self-love when I am always looking for love to validate who I am, what I am, and what I can accomplish?

— Signed, Buying Affection

Aunty's Response

My heart aches for the version of you that decided somewhere along the way that love was something you had to earn. That connection came with a price tag. That belonging required a payment plan.

I want you to hear me clearly before we go any further: if you have to pay for it — with your money, your peace, your labor, or your silence — it is not love. It is a transaction. And no transaction has ever made anyone feel truly seen.

You have been taking out high-interest emotional loans just to sit in the same room as people who were never going to give you a return on that investment. And the reason you keep choosing them is not because you are broken. It is because they are the only ones who will accept your currency. A person who truly knows their own worth cannot be bought. They will not let you bankroll your way into their heart. So you have been gravitating toward people who are empty enough to accept the payment — and then wondering why you still feel alone after you have given everything you have.

That pattern did not start with them. It started with you. With a belief — planted so long ago you cannot even remember who put it there — that said you were not enough just as you are. That you had to do something, give something, be something, in order to deserve the love that was already yours at birth.

Let me say that again. The love you have been chasing has always been yours. You did not need to earn it. You needed to receive it. And you cannot receive what you do not believe you deserve.

Here is my straight talk.

You said you are looking for love to validate who you are and what you can accomplish. Baby, that is the whole problem right there. You are handing other people the pen to write your worth. And then you are devastated when they write the wrong thing. No one who is still figuring out their own value can accurately assess yours. You have been asking people who are spiritually bankrupt to make a deposit into your soul. It does not work that way.

The people you attract are a direct reflection of what you believe about yourself at your core. Not what you say you believe. Not what you post. What you actually believe in the quiet moments when no one is watching. Right now in those quiet moments you believe you are someone who has to earn their place. And so you keep attracting people who agree with that assessment and charge you accordingly.

The work is not about finding better people. The work is about becoming someone who no longer accepts that as the terms of entry.

Here is what I want you to do. I want you to take a sabbatical from being the fixer, the giver, the one who shows up with something in hand just to be allowed in the door. For the next thirty days practice the power of no. When someone asks for your time, your energy, your money, or your presence — and you feel that old urge to say yes just so they will not leave — pause. Ask yourself one question: if I did not do this, would they still be here?

If the answer is no, let them go. That relationship was never a relationship. It was a business arrangement you were running at a loss.

The loneliness you are afraid of is not the enemy. The loneliness you are afraid of is the doorway. On the other side of it is the version of you that has done the real work of building her self worth — the version that does not need a single person's validation to know that she is worthy, that she is enough, and that she is loved — not because of what she does but because of who she is.

You are not alone when you finally decide to be your own best friend. You are finally home.

If you have to pay for a seat at the table, baby, you are not a guest. You are just the help. And you were born for so much more than that.

This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified professional for matters related to your health and wellbeing.

Soul Tribe Media | Soultribe.media | May 2026

Collective Soul Tribe Lesson

Soultribe, this is the lesson for the final week of May and I need every single one of us to receive it.

You will always attract what you believe you are worth — not what you say you want. If you believe you are debt, you will attract collectors. If you believe you are grace, you will attract peace. The people in your life right now are not a coincidence. They are a reflection. And if you do not love what you see in that reflection, the work begins on the inside.

We have spent this entire month talking about seeds. What you plant, what you water, what you tend, and what grows. This week I want you to look at the people you have allowed into your inner circle and ask yourself honestly: are these people seeds or are they weeds? Because both will grow in whatever soil you give them. Both will take up space. But only one of them will bear fruit.

Guard your garden, Soultribe. Not out of fear. Out of wisdom. Out of the deep knowing that what you allow in becomes part of what you grow. Choose your people the way you choose your seeds — with intention, with discernment, and with the full understanding that what you plant today you will harvest tomorrow.

You deserve a circle that waters you back. Do not settle for anything less.

Mantra

Aham

Mantra Aham Kartaa, Aham Bhoktaa — Bijam Mein, Phal Mein

Pronunciation: AH-hum KAR-taa, AH-hum BHOK-taa — BEE-jum MAIN, PHAL MAIN

Meaning: I am the planter, I am the reaper — the seed is mine, the harvest is mine.

Practice: Speak this mantra every morning before your feet hit the floor. Say it three times with intention. Let it remind you before the day begins that everything you are about to think, say, and do is a seed. Choose accordingly.

Speak this three times in the morning when you rise and three times at night before you rest. Say it with intention, not just words. Let it shift your mindset and anchor your faith in your own journey.

Affirmation

"I release what I have built in unconsciousness. I now plant with purpose, with intention, and with the full knowing that my harvest begins with me."