Dear Aunty...

I'm going back and forth with my faith, sowing seeds of doubt and reaping the harvest of a false life that will not end well, because spiritually I am not grounded. I have allowed myself to believe that as long as I show up every day for this false life I can turn it around — but I am realizing more and more every day that it is harder and harder to achieve what I actually want for my life. I am looking for the event.

I have always overindulged in the here and now and never really cared about the consequences of my choices. Over time I have seen that I created havoc in the lives of family members, friends, and others. I am older now and I am reaping the harvest of my poor decisions and the consequences of neglecting my personal growth. How do I, at my age, blaze a new path when I have no inspiration or direction?

I come from a family who has always experienced financial instability. My great-great-grandmother grew up in poverty. She then had my great-grandmother who grew up in poverty, and then she had my grandmother who grew up in poverty, and my grandmother had my mother and they also grew up in poverty. I have now joined a union, a lovely relationship where my partner is very free-flowing and financially, emotionally, and mentally healthy, but I struggle with a poor person's mindse

I grew up in a single-parent household, watching my mother carry more weight than one person should. She worked tirelessly to provide for me and my baby brother, and because of that, I had to grow up fast. I never had that steady presence of a father to tell me I was enough, to affirm me, to model what love from a man should look like. Because of that, I went searching for it. I gave my love away too easily, thinking if I could just be enough for someone, they wouldn’t leave

I’ve lived much of my life by someone else’s standards and rules. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been doing what was expected of me—pleasing my family, following the advice of teachers, and walking the straight line that seemed safest. Now I am 25, fresh out of college, and looking at the world with new eyes. The degree I worked so hard for is solid, practical, and secure. It promises stability, a steady paycheck, and a path that many people would consider “successful.”

I am doing everything I am supposed to do — paying my bills, showing up for work, trying to build something for myself. But no matter how hard I try, it feels like I am one unexpected expense away from losing everything. The fear is constant. My mind won't stop running through worst case scenarios and my spirit feels like it's shrinking under the weight of just trying to survive.

I spent New Year’s Eve setting my intentions. My 2026 vision board is full of affirmations, career goals, and everything I say I want. But honestly? I still feel stuck—like I’m dragging last year’s weight behind me. Why does it feel like I can’t start fresh, even when I want to? — Signed, Trying But Tired