Dear Aunty: How Do I Confidently Take Action When I Was Never Given The Tools?

Dear Aunty

I am 23 years old now and looking back on my life I am realizing the patterns of my family and myself. I want to do better but I realize I was never taught what better was or how to be confident in it. Most my family would either run from, ignore, or leech off of someone else in relation to their struggles. I don't want this for me in my life, but I have trouble recognizing what the "right" thing is to do and therefore freeze like those before me. How do I confidently take action in my life when I feel as if I was never given the tools?

— Signed, Breaking The Mold

Aunty's Response

Sweetheart, let's start here — no one arrives on this earth with a manual. No one is handed a Sweetheart, let me start with something I need you to truly receive — some of the strongest people to ever walk this earth came through the most challenging family bloodlines. That is not a coincidence. That is by design.

When you come from a family where the examples demonstrated around you required you to shrink, to doubt yourself, to never fully step into your confidence or discover your purpose — it can feel like you were sent into the world without a map. And in many ways, you were. But here is what I need you to understand. The map gets drawn as you walk.

No one on this earth is ever truly lost. Not one person moves through this life without wisdom being poured into them during critical moments — moments where a real choice had to be made, where life got quiet enough for truth to speak. The beautiful thing about your journey is that when you are genuinely ready to learn, when you are open and willing to receive, the person meant to teach you will show up. The knowledge you need will find you. That is not wishful thinking. That is the law of this life.

What I want you to begin practicing is the art of unlearning. One of the most powerful things I have ever done in my own life was unlearning — unlearning negative ways of living, of thinking, of being. Unlearning the habit of trying to convince people of my worth. Unlearning the pattern of teaching people how to love me rather than simply requiring it. When we come from families where toxicity was the norm, we can spend years trying to fix what was broken around us instead of building something whole within ourselves.

You already know more than you think you do. Deep within you, there is an inherent knowing — a quiet voice that recognizes what is right and what is not. Trust it. Stop waiting until you have every tool before you take a step. Allow life to be your teacher. Allow yourself to experience it fully, to make mistakes, to course correct, and to grow through every single season.

And if you are looking for a place to begin building your foundation, I will point you to two books that have profoundly shaped the way I understand life and its principles. The first is The Kybalion — a timeless guide to the universal laws that govern everything we experience on this earth. The second is The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn — a book that will shift the way you see yourself, your circumstances, and your power within them. Start there.

Beyond that, my greatest counsel to you is simply this — live. Live fully, live honestly, and live without the weight of trying to be everything you were never shown how to be all at once. The lessons will come. The wisdom will come. The tools will come. And when they do, you will be ready for every single one of them.

You are not behind, sweetheart. You are right on time.

— Aunty Charmaine

This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified professional for matters related to your health and wellbeing.

Soultribe Media | Soultribe.media | Sept 2026 All images by Melissa Shipper

Collective Soul Tribe Lesson

Soultribe, this week I am speaking directly to every single one of you who is the first.

The first to go to college. The first to own a home. The first to break a cycle that ran so deep in your family that no one even had a name for it. The first to say — this stops with me.

Being first is not glamorous. It is lonely. It is confusing. It is doing things without a roadmap while everyone around you either watches in silence or tells you it cannot be done. But here is what I need you to know — your ancestors who wanted better are standing with you. Every brave choice you make is completing something they started and could not finish.

You are not betraying your family by doing better. You are answering their prayers. You are the evidence that the cycle can be broken. And that, Soultribe, is one of the most powerful things a human being can ever be.

Keep going. The ones who come after you are counting on it.

BREATH. CONNECT. RENEW.

Soulful

Proverb

"I was created for such a time as this, my wealth flows to me gracefully and joyfully, all good things are open to me. So blessed be. "

Practice: Speak this proverb every morning before your feet hit the floor. Say it three times with intention. Let it remind you before the day begins that everything you are about to think, say, and do is a seed. Choose accordingly.

Speak this in the morning when you rise and at night before you rest. Say it with intention, not just words. Let it shift your mindset and anchor your faith in your own journey.

Affirmation

" I was created for such a time as this, my wealth flows to me gracefully and joyfully, all good things are open to me. So blessed be. (Repeat daily 8x — 8 is the numerology of money)"