Dear Aunty: How Do I Stop Keeping Up and Finally Ask for Help?
Dear Aunty
Dear Aunty,
Everyone around me looks like they're doing fine. My friends post their vacations and their new cars. My family thinks I've made it. So I keep up. I show up to the dinners, I chip in for the gifts, and I say yes to things I can't afford, because I don't want anyone to know.
The truth is that keeping up is what's keeping me broke. I'm in debt because I'm too proud and too ashamed to say, "I can't right now." I've never asked anyone for help in my life, and I don't even know how to start.
How do I stop pretending for everyone else, and how do I ask for help without feeling like a burden
— Signed, Keeping Up in Silence
Aunty's Response
I will say this. What you're experiencing right now in your life is what most people experience when they're going through an identity shift.
You built your entire identity on being the family member who made it. The one who made it out of whatever circumstances, the one who seemed to have some kind of elusive success others weren't privy to. And because of that, you were special. You took that on as part of your identity, you ran with it, and you turned it into a novelty for everyone to eat from, when you knew you couldn't afford it.
So it's not for me to answer, "Aunty, how do I do this and that?" No, no, no. It's for you to look in that mirror and do some mirror work. You need to literally look in that mirror, do some mirror work, and be honest about how you're moving.
This isn't about the family. It's not about this, and it's not about that. This is all about your ego. Your ego, and the need to be the person in the family that everybody goes to, everybody eats from, and everybody dotes over.
But what if they felt that way about you just because you were you? What if it had nothing to do with you being the one who made it, even if that's what came out of their mouths? What if it was because you're the charismatic person everybody just loves, and it had nothing to do with all the other shit? You've been keeping up a facade for no reason at all, because if you just came as you are, your family would accept you.
A lot of times, we're so busy pretending and building, pretending and building, pretending and building. Then when people don't want to pretend anymore, or we can no longer afford to pretend, we find ourselves in this weird-ass identity shift where our world literally has to fall apart. Our world has to fall apart because Spirit is trying to get us to the root, the meat and potatoes of things.
Too often, we're so busy trying to be everything but who we are. And that's all we really came to Earth for, to be that, whatever the fuck that is.
So all the adjectives we add to it: I'm a baker. I'm a mom. I'm an aunty. I'm a cousin. I'm a banker. I'm a chef. I'm a CEO. I'm a writer. It doesn't matter. You add, you subtract, and you take away. All of that shit is pretend.
What if your people, and people, period, just saw who you were without all the titles and adjectives we add to our lives to seem more interesting, or to look like we have it more put together?
Maybe you should just be you. And maybe you can stop pretending, because the person who literally can't afford it is you.
I hope this has filled your cups, guys. Peace and love.
— Aunty Charmaine
This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified professional for matters related to your health and wellbeing.
Soul Tribe Media | Soultribe.media | Oct 2026
Collective Soul Tribe Lesson
Soultribe, how many of us are paying for an image? The dinners, the gifts, the "I got it" when we don't. We build an identity out of being the one who made it, and then we go broke protecting it. If you're ready to stop keeping up, it starts with the mirror. This week, I want each of you to do some mirror work. Look at yourself without the titles and the roles and ask who you are underneath all of it. The people who truly love you were never there for the performance. They were there for you. Stop keeping up. Come as you are. That's the only version of you the tribe ever needed.
My grandmother carried two generations on her back, and I learned that love can hold a family, but only a tribe can lift one. Many hands rise.
Practice: Speak this proverb every morning before your feet hit the floor. Say it three times with intention. Let it remind you before the day begins that everything you are about to think, say, and do is a seed. Choose accordingly.
Speak this in the morning when you rise and at night before you rest. Say it with intention, not just words. Let it shift your mindset and anchor your faith in your own journey.
Affirmation
"I am no longer afraid of drowning, because I have learned how to swim. I am not afraid of my life. I am right at home in it.
So blessed be."
(Repeat daily 8x — 8 is the numerology of wealth)
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