Dear Aunty: How Do I Carry My Parents and My Children When I Have Less Than They Did?
Dear Aunty
Dear Aunty,
I'm caught in the middle. My parents are getting older and they need me more every year, with doctor's appointments, medications, and help around the house. My children still need me too. I'm stretched between two generations, and there isn't enough of me or enough money to go around.
What hurts the most is that my parents built more than I have. They worked hard and they had something to show for it. I worked just as hard, maybe harder, and I'm the first in my family to go backwards. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting down everyone who came before me.
How do I carry the generation before me and the generation after me without breaking, and how do I stop feeling like I failed my family?
— Signed, The Bridge Between Generations
Aunty's Response
Hey, sweetheart. I can understand and appreciate the struggle of being caught between generations, and I will say this. You cannot compare the money and the wealth your parents built in their generation to the generation you and I are in now.
Our generation is catching it. We want to pour into our children the way our parents poured into us, but our parents are getting older, finances are getting harder, and inflation keeps going up. I do not want you to look at what you have as a measure of your worth, or to feel like you're going backwards, the way you said in your letter. Understand that this is part of the process of a multigenerational life, where you're required to be of service to your parents and still pour into your children.
But I have to ask you, how do you get to the point where you're able to do all that if you are not pouring into you?
A lot of times, we want to be of service to our parents and to our children. The truth of the matter is, it's in the now. Right now, your parents are aging. So for sure, do as much as you can for your parents, and require your children to help you more.
What do I mean by that? You have wealth in your children, in their youth. Require them to get a part-time job. Require them to take a bill off your plate. Require them to spend some time with their grandparents while you go cook dinner, or go get your nails done, or go get yourself replenished, or do something kind and nice for yourself, so you can be of service to the rest of the family.
I'm telling you, y'all, this is how we're going to make it. We're going to have to lean on our children some more, because there is real wealth in children. Especially children who were raised well. Children who were raised well don't mind helping, because they love their grandparents. They've seen all the love their grandparents poured into you, and all the love you've now poured into them. This is a generational thing.
Where it gets murky is when our parents didn't pour into our generation, so we didn't know how to pour into our children. Or when our parents didn't pour into us, and there's no established relationship there. We can build that with our children, but we struggle with our parents when there's nothing established.
In those cases, you're going to have to do the best you can, make whatever choice you need to make, and walk away from it. You may choose to simply involve yourself financially as best you can. But I don't think substituting finances for actually being of service is going to make up for it. What happens when the finances don't stretch far enough and the resources aren't there? That puts you in a position where it's very hard to keep that habit up. So I really encourage you to think hard about whether that's something you can carry.
Because I don't care what place you hold in my family. If you are toxic and we have no relationship, kinfolk, it does not matter if I've got a million dollars in my hand. That's a million dollars you'll never see.
I need you to understand that relationships need to be authentic and solid, not transactional, especially among friends and family. Because that's where your circle is. That's your tribe.
And family is not always of your blood. Sometimes family is of your love. You will sometimes find that the most grounded, loving, family-oriented relationships you'll ever have are built outside your bloodline. And you need to understand that's okay too.
— Aunty Charmaine
This content is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute professional medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified professional for matters related to your health and wellbeing.
Soul Tribe Media | Soultribe.media | Oct 2026
Collective Soul Tribe Lesson
Soultribe, so many of us are standing in the middle, asking how to carry my parents and my children at the same time, holding up one generation with each hand. And we measure ourselves against what the generation before us had, in a world that no longer works the way theirs did. Having less than your parents is not proof that you failed. It's proof of the times we're living in. This week, I want you to remember that you can't pour from an empty cup, and that a family is meant to carry each other, not to be carried by one person. Let the young ones help. Let your chosen family in. The tribe was always meant to be bigger than one bloodline.
My grandmother carried two generations on her back, and I learned that love can hold a family, but only a tribe can lift one. Many hands rise.
Practice: Speak this proverb every morning before your feet hit the floor. Say it three times with intention. Let it remind you before the day begins that everything you are about to think, say, and do is a seed. Choose accordingly.
Speak this in the morning when you rise and at night before you rest. Say it with intention, not just words. Let it shift your mindset and anchor your faith in your own journey.
Affirmation
"I am no longer afraid of drowning, because I have learned how to swim. I am not afraid of my life. I am right at home in it.
So blessed be."
(Repeat daily 8x — 8 is the numerology of wealth)
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