I'm going back and forth with my faith, sowing seeds of doubt and reaping the harvest of a false life that will not end well, because spiritually I am not grounded. I have allowed myself to believe that as long as I show up every day for this false life I can turn it around — but I am realizing more and more every day that it is harder and harder to achieve what I actually want for my life. I am looking for the event.

I have always overindulged in the here and now and never really cared about the consequences of my choices. Over time I have seen that I created havoc in the lives of family members, friends, and others. I am older now and I am reaping the harvest of my poor decisions and the consequences of neglecting my personal growth. How do I, at my age, blaze a new path when I have no inspiration or direction?